Giving

Merdeka eve - thoughts are out of order. Working steadily, but unhappily.

I want so many things; want to say so many things - about how I feel about my home, my self and my place in it.

But another poet has already said it, in lines I swear have been living in me like a spontaneously grown organ, so that they come floating up from memory, wholly unbidden:

'A bruise, blue in the muscle
you impinge upon me.
As bone hugs the ache home
So I'm vexed to love you'

...and:

'Threshed to excellence
I'll achieve you'

...also:

'Stack in me the unaccountable fire
Lay on me the iron leaf
but tenderly
Folded one hundred times and creased
I'll not crack'

This Merdeka, I'll try to want less, and give more.

May peace and goodwill be upon you! To those working - you're not alone. To do those holidaying - enjoy yourself, bitches - you deserve it.