Aftermath

There is a phenomenon in this particular profession known as Post-exhibition Blues. The day after the opening of Sensors I woke up with so bad an affliction that I until then I did not believe such a strange combination of relief, desolation and exhaustion could exist.

It was as though one had emerged from a personal battle unhappy and in pain, but not knowing the source or nature of the hurt.

Of course I am only now coming to terms with a private blow to the spirit caused by someone's recent departure. I have heard that when the body detects a foreign or harmful intrusion, it works quickly to contain/separate it in order to stop it from causing harm. In this case it seems that the mind is likewise capable of such self-preservation. At the time I scribbled in the margins of some drawing or other I was working on:

Leaving is like flying
Staying is like swimming.
Both conditions governed by a different gravity
than walking.
Walking: it's never enough.
But when you're not doing it
It's all you can remember
It's all you long to do --
To land.
Walking: it's what we were born to do
With our uncompromising,
unforgiving, two-part bodies
It's the best way to relate to nearness
The hardest way to judge distance
and learning to do it
isn't as easy as it seems.

I found that the moment my mind judged that it was free enough to confront things other than the exhibition, some deep, stored-away unhappiness came bubbling to the surface. It was quite shocking, especially when I expected to feel good with finishing what I had to do and having done it with reasonable success.

But! A visit to the hairdresser has made me feel (and look) a little more human. A visit to the physiotherapist, (who also dispenses such level-headed advice as: when you work long hours for a long time, your body's store of dopamine is depleted; also your spleen accumulates toxins and that's why you feel so bad) and a full, undisturbed night's sleep later - I feel back on track.

I've set up a blog for the show, which you'll find to your right. It's not finished yet though. I'll add images soon.

Thank you for everyone's kindness and support. I'm looking forward to debt repayment, to fun things, to begging the forgiveness of my two mutts who have been positively pining away for lack of attention and to my residency in Sydney.

Kisses,
B.