Phrases I will never use officially in a professional capacity, but which proliferate my private thoughts

... I felt my insides seize up in aesthetic revolt

... it makes me fairly pant with apathy

... well, haven't seen THAT before

... this is more boring than an activist gathering

... this video footage is making my brain melt. OMG it goes on for another 20mins.

... well that was mercifully short

... why do people perpetrate this shit

... this artist statement makes me want to draft my own will

... it hurts my eyes

... this sculpture has an aura of malevolence about it

... someone arrest this artist for aesthetic assault

... did I stumble onto some graduate show

... maybe the catalog will help me understand it

... at least the review will only be 800 words. The anecdote will already take up a third.

... everyone seems to love this. Is it just me?

... being truthful about this might get me fired.

... what would John Berger do to this painting?

... I will persevere through this artistic adversity.

... this installation is making me depressed

... ohhh. I'm getting that 'bad paintings' feeling again.

... phew. I need a scotch

... well people didn't understand Ulysses, either. Maybe I should try harder

... why do I keep going to these artist talks. They sure make me depressed

... I'm sure the quality-to-trash ratio is worse somewhere else

... if I have to look at another painting show I'll lose the will to live

... wanker

I guess I could go on forever. But I've already generated enough bad karma. I'm sure you enjoyed it too, bitches.