Yin thoughts

Am I the only one who thinks Britney's 'Piece of Me' is a really good song?

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Frank Lloyd Wright's Monument to Haroun Al-Rashid

Caliph Haroun Al Rashid used to walk the streets of ancient Baghdad disguised as an ordinary citizen. I want to do that. I want to walk without fear in every corner of my city, not scared of murderers or rapists or drug dealers. Maybe if you're not afraid of being hurt, mentally or physically, then nothing will happen to you. Sometimes I think there are two mes in this body. One is completely crazy and reckless, I'll do anything it takes for anything or just for a thrill, I swear. Even if you're close to me, you don't now how close I am to this crazy person inside me. The only thing that holds me back is that I actually care about people. Maybe when I do crazy things it hurts others because they thought they knew you well. That's why disguise, fantasy and make-believe is necessary. I really wonder how much violence I am capable of. I don't like killing insects, but that's because of my Buddhist upbringing. I swear, it's because of Buddhism that I am better equipped to deal with the... utter solidity of reality. It's more violence of emotions that I'm thinking of. I don't want to be violent towards life or people, I don't have those kinds of kinks, but I do want to do things that are very irrational. I once told someone, who told me I was beautiful and asked me if I was a model, that I was a prostitute, just for the fun of it. He wasn't amused and walked away in disgust. Hey, that's too bad, I just wanted to play, you know? I get really disappointed when people don't get a proposed game. But then some sick people don't understand that it's only a game. Hmm. You can't have it both ways, Betta, people tell me. But fuck that. I think that you can have it this way, that way, or any fucking way you want if that's what turns you on. 'This world... is solid through and through', I remember that from a movie I watched. Sometimes I feel like I am drugged, how calm and rational I get is only a measure of a huge sea inside me that is pushing and pulling in all directions like a big storm breaking. You could probably label me 'the one most likely to run away and join the circus'. But I was born into a newer world, freaks have 'scenes' now, you know! I hate all scenes. I like freaks, real freaks. And there aren't anymore circuses... if you want you have to invent your own. You know why I like Miyazaki's films so much, because you can sort of tell that they are just like, 10 percent of this person's vast inner world that's filled with monsters, treasure, freaks, pain and pleasure. I don't have a problem being alone or being ignored at all, I can constantly amuse myself. I am not afraid of dying. Something in the world is getting darker - more lies and pain. Really sick kind of pain - torture, imprisonment. I think people just don't know what to do with themselves. Their imaginations are dead.

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La Luna chair by Kenneth Cobonpue

The moon. La luna... she knows me, doesn't she.