Patience

Living with my housemates J. and W. is great. They give me all the space I need (which is ridiculously large ammounts), but are always sympathetic listeners to alot of pent up frustration I have inside. That one reason why I haven't been posting here - I find I need this crutch less and less.

Sometimes I go to sleep at night, wondering if I am being stupid by doing all these other things (like starting ARTERI) instead of concentrating hard on my art career like a good little artist should. Those opportunities slipping by... all that lost studio time...

I stack up ideas for the work I want to make... each one a little lego brick in the private corner of my mind. I have a big show welling up inside me, and I will launch it when the time is right. Perhaps in a couple of years. I hear voices of all my secret mentors whispering: 'be patient, little fish', and also, 'is getting older so very bad? success at a young age is overrated'.

Each time I get mad/frustrated, I think about how lucky I am to be here in Malaysia - in this rich, flawed and beloved country. Those of us who are able have no excuse, no excuse whatsoever, to not do what we can to imagine and create a better future.

Quite often, I think of you, Snail... do you even come by to visit me here anymore? I haven't seen you in ever so long. Sometimes I really miss you, and a great desire to meet you face to face builds up. But I respect your need for distance. Something tells me you are somewhere safe and at peace, finding whatever it is you need.

Consider this an emo rant. I don't know about you, but I certainly feel better for it.