Oh, I don't know

1. Good news
Sometimes, after months of waiting, you get a few minutes of good news. It keeps you going. I live for those few minutes. I had some this morning. Most people don't know that I have huge visions in my head, that today or next year is only in preparation for all that I want to achieve in my life. This secrecy.. most of it is just a pathological need for privacy. The rest can be accounted for by oh, I don't know, it's easier to get things done quietly.

2. Friends
One of the things I miss most about Sapporo is J. She really made me laugh. I like... love her so much because she never took my aloofness personally. She just... got it. Generosity combined with understanding, I think. Most people don't know that I have so much going on in my head that frequent retreats are necessary to prevent sensory and emotional overload from surroundings and people (especially people).

3. Lovers
Sometimes you can be very much in love with someone, yet not enjoy their company completely. This makes for interesting, but disastrous, affairs. The sex is good, usually - it feels like you're doing it on the edge of a cliff. But when you love someone you also love spending time with... it's like you're a child again. You go and meet them in the playground at 5pm and you try to will those last moments before the sun sets to last forever. Couple more turns on the monkey bars with so-and-so, oh please mum, please. Sunset is time to part, go home, have dinner, do your homework, and prepare for school the next day. Nothing is more soul-crushing than saying good-bye to your best friend at the park on a Sunday evening.

4. Living
I live my own life, for myself.