Thoughts on sex
I started writing this with the lights on, then I got up and turned them off, scotch in hand.
I like the way skin feels in the dark, how it looks - the hills glow and the valleys sink into liquid shadow. Your sense of smell sharpens. Your voice gets deeper and more languid, mine does anyway.
I'm thinking about... how one can be degenerate, yet fine, at the same time. By fine, I mean, not 'how are you, I'm fine'; fine like, bone china, steel, a panther, silk, fine wine, whiskey, a fine man, an excellent woman. Fine to do with suppleness - of character and body, limbs, the mind. A supple mind makes the hair on my body stand on end. When I say something filthy to man who's buying me a drink at some random bar - I watch for that catch in his eye, then the slow smile, and I know I'm going to have a great time. It doesn't happen so often.
I like being on the edge of danger, and I'm fine with that. As I get older, I know my limits better, and I get to linger out there on the edge for longer periods of time, with none of the usual guilt and self-loathing. I really love men, how they make feel, the way they react to things - it's exciting and inspiring. What I've learned in my short years on this earth is that they're more apt to disappoint than to hurt you. If you accept this, a much better time is had by all. I love women too, they're so soft, so intelligent and powerful and compassionate, sometimes vicious in a way not many men are, and they don't let go easily. One thing about women is, they're terribly loyal. As I write this, different men and women I know spring to mind, they get mixed up with each other, until I can't tell who was masculine and feminine... the traits blur into each other. Writing this is a way of appreciating them all over again - the best and the worst.
In short, I fall hard for people who have great character and who love sex, and in whom these two things are always circling each other, like insects around a flame.
Mmm. This post has put me in a good mood.
