An imperfect art

Snapshot of Chinary Ung's Spiral IX, taken from Malaysiancomposers.com

Crunch time has come to visit again. The show is 3 weeks away and counting, with all the usual sicknesses in full attendance - heart beating faster, intense anxiety, fatigue. If you visited my mind, what you'd find there is a blinking neon sign.

I won't be posting often, but please read *this* lecture by Cambodian-American composer Chinary Ung. I searched him out after reading a wondefully moving interview with him and Malaysian composer CH Loh in this month's Off The Edge (which by the way, is an excellent issue overall).

He talks about how art (music) is imperfect, and speaks soulfully about the creative process as a spiritual quest that is 'not about position, it's about expression and liberation'. Yes, yes, you've heard it all before. But for me, I find that I can never hear enough of this sort of wisdom, and in fact I DON'T hear enough of it. I think no matter what sort of artist you are, whether successful or washed-out, you are always waiting for a teacher to show you the path again... that path... which shimmers tenously, blown in and out of sight by fear and... what else but a lack of faith?

At this point, I'll whisper to you my deepest dream: I want to live by the sea doing what I love to do, and build a community around that. The end of 2008 will mark 4 years since I started living and working as an artist. I think all this time I was (have been) struggling madly (fiercely!) to spiral from the outside into the center. Next year, when I begin my new job, I WILL be at the 'center' - it's the logical conclusion of my quest so far. The path I began on can't go much further than that, I think. So after that time (how long will it take? 1 year? 2?) in the center... I'll start spiralling out again... reaching for the ocean, my home.

But yeah, go read that lecture. And wish me luck for my show!