Fears

Tomorrow I'll be doing a public performance - 'How To Talk to Strangers' - for the first time.

Self-reminders for a jittery performance virgin:

1. It is easier to gain forgiveness than permission (in case I get stopped by cops)

2. The potential for failure is an important aspect of performance art

3. This is an experiment with no planned outcome

4. There is no rehearsal

5. The fear of a situation is far worse than the situation itself

Wishes of good luck and prayers offered to pagan gods will be gratefully accepted.

PS. Buddha preserve me from

... making verbose posts on kakisein whilest intoxicated! Strength strength strength strength.

Durnken post

Even though 'Tattoo After Care' clearly states that one should 'stay away from sun, salt water, chlorine, saunas and spas for TWO weeks'... what are the odds that one attends an art openign within those forbidden two weeks in which there is an ARTIfiCIAL SAUNA as an installation??? Tell me! What are the odds? Could Betta resist taking part in said installation? Even though the fresh tattoo was itching and burning on her back, could she have denied the artist the pleasure of her presence in his constructed space? Especially as he was naked and wearing a prodigious prosthetic dong of immense proportions. Yes, she drank and drank. She sat in the sauna. She gave the artist a kiss. She hopes her tattoo survives the trauma. In any case she made it back home and is bloggin this ... to you. Hic. Gnight.

mthfuckers

x.

Fascinated by

...the smack badger.

It appears as Frankie Wilde's nemesis in It's All Gone Pete Tong. This isn't a great image. It actually wears a dirty pink apron and carries a tacky plastic glitter wand. It also clicks and squeals. Creepy as shit. Ranks right up there with all my other favorite doppelgangers - Cluracan's Wild Hart in The Sandman, Ged's Shadow in Wizard of Earthsea (the book, NOT the film, nor the animation), and Leggat in Conrad's The Secret Sharer.

*Smack badger says: get your cute but procrastinatin' ass back to work, sweetcheeks*

On being tattooed

First off, I will not say, it was not painful. It was painful. This experience, all 2 and a half hours of it, was exquisitely painful. So much so that one has the dreadful privilege of meditating upon the nature of pain; the subject of it, the very manifestation of it, evidenced in that moment of the buzzing machine, the knowledge that where the sound touches your skin, there will be pain.

All my prepared fortitude went flying out the window. The Buddhist chants that put me to sleep without fail, began in my mind clearly, but ended up a jumbled mess. Today I learned of my own pain threshold -- the pathetic level at which the body fails the mind, regardless of preparation! I'm humbled. I have a long way to go.

But I endured, dear reader! And I remember musing half-heartedly about all the difficulties I had been through; how, just like that very moment of physical pain, the time would pass, one would emerge refreshed and reborn, with a glorious artistic scar/outcome to show for it.

Tattoos are a dime a dozen. But your own is always special. I can only describe it as something as deep as the blood in your veins, which at a certain moment, crystallizes into the image you have prepared yourself for. And it appears on your skin! It's the outward manifestation of an inward resolution. It's entirely appropriate that one has to suffer a little for it.

Sort of exhausted, but can't wait to show you. It's so, so beautiful.

x,
betta.

Self diagnosis

11:12pm

Tea - 3 cups
Beer - 2 servings
Cigarette cravings - countless
Calming chat with empathetic friend - 1
Messages from crush - 2
Escapist costume drama film - 1
Uncharitable thoughts towards fellow human beans - 5
Rice quota - filled
Sex - none
Cigarettes - none...yet.
General dissatisfaction with self - ALARMINGLY HIGH

WTF. See you at the bottom of a liquor bottle. Baibai.

Listening to

...The Weepies.

'...and all this time
I felt just fine
I kept so many people
in my suitcase heart
I was glad to let the whole thing go
time was slipping by
I didn't know...'

'sometimes rain that's needed
falls
we float like two lovers
in a painting by chagall'

'... your life feels like the morning after
all year long.
And every day it starts again
you cannot tell if you're happy.
Keep trying again
Try harder
Maybe, maybe
this is not your year...'

'...does your heart echo like a hall
is any one there at all'

A big hug and nod of empathy to the love-lorn and heart-weary out there tonight.

Cam-whoration II

BERRY CRAZY ABOUT CHERRIES

Check out the loot. You don't wanna know how much these cost. I was having a bad day ok? I'm worth it.

Mfph. Mfppff. I fuckin' LOVE cherries.

Guess who has half a kilo of fruit in her belly? Cherrie Queen!


FEET

Moody bitch because of sore feet. Sore feet because of too much walking.


Holy swell-a-roony! Kaki gajah! Takpe! Frozen corn kernals to the rescue! Bonus: afterwards can use in nasi goreng.


SCULPTURE BY THE SEA

Betta the all-purpose fig leaf.

This sculpture looks like the baby of Cousin It and Queen Amidala.

Poor tree. Not only caged but swarmed by millions of hyperactive school kids. "What did I do to deserve this? I was just here all by my lonesome; growing, making oxygen. Then some conceptual artist decided to get smart on me".

Betta in her element.

SLUTS

Betta and slutcat who hangs out on the big stairs going up to Victoria St. Definition of slutcats: cats who hang out for random affection from anybody, anywhere. Not selective in who is allowed to rub their belly.



DICE VICE 2

This outcome can be arrived at by this equation: beer + pizza + dice + loonies

B. having a moment.

L.: Holy shit, I won!

NIGHT

Ghostly night shot with J. after mojitos and salsa dancing. At one point we were overcome with nationalism and started singing Negaraku. Aiyo. Nanti kena tangkap ISA.

Drunken post #godknowswhat

Was wined and dined by K. and R. tonight. OMG. Spoilt rotten. Drunk. Happy. Full in tummy and soul. Saw sculptures by the sea - AT NIGHT! The sky... a thousand pinpricks in a black velvet coat. Just... aaah. Monosyllabic. Imagine being in between two of the most generous souls in the known universe, hell bent on feeding, watering and entertaining you until you burst. Can die lar. Damn happy. Love everyone. Love everything. Hic. Gnight

Notes to self

Art as strategy

How to be in two places at once

How to...

Make opportunities, not just for me

How to tell a dirty sexist joke

A.'s friend: "You know why women can't park well? Because we've been told this means 20 centimeters" *pointing to the length of her middle finger

A.: "What's the other meaning of 'eternity'? It's the time between after you came and before she leaves"

How to sleep alone

Ever notice how old people walk?

Climate change

How to live more but with less

Journalism, my a$$

Re: mainstream Malaysian newspapers - I rather go out and buy toilet paper la, like that at least got use before throw away.

Calling all Anak Bangsa Malaysia

(AFP photo lifted from elizabethwong.wordpress.com)

(11 Nov) The morning after: YAY! Different reports carrying different numbers, but the reliable one seems to be 40,000 - 50,000 people: the biggest public demonstration in Malaysian history. Is this one going to be in Malaysia Guiness Book of Records? Hahaha. Congratulations to us all! OMG, so proud right now. ^_^ Ya, gomen mana nak letak muka....?


(10 Nov) UPDATE: This is the day. Full updates and coverage on:

www.harakahdaily.net
www.m2day.org
http://elizabethwong.wordpress.com/

Road blocks were set up all over the city since last night. The gathering has been declared 'illegal' by the government and police, and those who attend are being threatened with arrest and jail. If Dataran Merdeka is closed, the alternative rallying points are:

1. Sogo
2. Majid Negara
3. Majid Jamek
4. Pasar Seni

All the best! Will be praying and meditating from 3pm onwards for a safe and peaceful rally. You'll see my spirit there! >_< (9 Nov) UPDATE on the eve of gathering: My distant but most heartfelt prayers go with those who are marching tomorrow. May all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas bestow blessings and peace upon you; may you march without fear, anger, hatred or pride, but with happiness and compassion in your heart. Namo O Namo Amithaba Buddha. (7 Nov) FURTHER UPDATE: I think this rally is really important and it kills me more than you know that I can't attend, and I'm sorry, but... BAD aesthetics are BAD aesthetics. BERSIH has made a 'video' for the Nov 10 Gathering: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4ycaduE_D4

On the scale of cheese, it's probably of the stinky blue veined variety. You have to watch it, but I will say this: it is set to Michael Jackson's 'Man In The Mirror'. Yes, all 5mins14secs of it. I mistrust and disagree with anyone who uses images gratuitously, as propaganda, to manipulate emotions and to further their own agenda under the guise of something else. After years of state-sponsored visual assault, I can't take it. I can't take the tacky over-statement and theatricalization of a movement that's so important and so powerful as this. Unless it's a spoof video. Is it a spoof? It could be. In which case it is ROTF LOL funny. I mean, it is THAT bad. And it features an endless run of images of 'important' people, such as Wan Azizah and Anwar Ibrahim (most recognizable). Fuck that shit. This is about the rakyat. No one else.

Perhaps hardly important in the scheme of things, but an unworthy exercise all the same.

(6 Nov) UPDATE: Damn this shit is serious. Yesterday BERSIH'S website was hacked to display a message that said the gathering was postponed. What a dirty, underhanded lil muthafuckin stunt! Ok, I just visited site, well shit, now the whole thing is offline. Whatever la. Everyone, let's go to this thing, jom, mari kita protes!
***NOTE: THE GATHERING IS NOT POSTPONED AND WILL TAKE PLACE ON 10 NOV, 3PM AS PLANNED.

This is a sticky post, will keep it at the top until Nov 10. I am there in spirit. Let's show them and ourselves that it is the people who have the power. Remember to wear yellow! Note: this is likely to be a huge gathering, their target is 100,000 people. In light of this you'll have to make the choice whether to attend. Go on! I would. Good luck! More information at BERSIH - Coalition for Clean and Fair Elections.

Light and Shadow

It is a strange indulgence to uncover past shadows in order to better appreciate the current light. Sometimes I get a dark, ugly look on my face thinking of the times which inspired this little ditty:

Legless

I know a man
Who keeps a cage
He's the pike of the lake
And doesn't age
I know a man
Who keeps his teeth
He's a shark in a cave
And doesn't leave
I know a man
Who waits his while
And he waits and he waits
With a smile
Now it doesn't do to worry
Because you know
When you're hungry
You'll go get some meat
And when you're legless
You'll just walk on borrowed feet
Now it wouldn't hurt to hurry
Because you know
When he's hungry
He'll come get some meat
And when he's legless
You should worry about your feet

(May 2006)

I thought love was unconditional

Oh Malaysia, oh tanahairku, I give us another 3 years. This is my pledge. If we haven't worked something out by then, I have to rethink my options. Maybe we were never meant to be together. I love you though. Do you love me? x.

Cam-whoration

BETTA'S ABODE

Somewhat heavy on the IKEA aesthetic, but the light and view trumps all.

Outside my window: Harry's famous pie shop, the sea, and a tree for privacy.

My working table artfully arranged to give impression of high productivity. Notice bottle of Nutrient Water, proven hangover cure and secret indication of continuous raucous nights.

...the remnants of debauchery. Notice money, dice, junkfood, a little cigarette bud plant.
Need I say more?
BETTA'S RESI-GENG

The lovely, and fully mad S.

The lovely and fully insane B.

Macaroon present from S. Possibly the world's most elegant confection.


BETTA'S OCEANS AND VARIOUS OBSESSIONS (GIVEN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW TO UNHEALTHY LEVELS)

Check out this crazy pool right by the sea. It fills up with water each time the waves come in. Enough to make one die with happiness. Shame on anyone who even remotely entertains the mere thought of a Tsunami joke. SHAME!

Requisite postcard shot. Taken from the top of a hill planted with big friendly trees.

The telescope at the observatory! It was in a big dome which was cranked open via a wheel mechanism. OMG OMG. Yes, I scared everyone - including the guide and the family with children - with my... shall we say, 'enthusiasm'. This was the best day of my life. I saw the sun! And Mars! And Jupiter!

Lord Nelson at the maritime museum. I stood silently before the figure and paid my respects. The handsome brute.

And lastly, I had this ship berthed right outside my window for the better part of two weeks. I would wake up and stare at it for ages. It is a baby version of The Endeavour. Sigh. I is a happy human bean.


...But I still miss home. I miss proper food. I eat a bagel everyday. I never thought I could be sick of blueberry bagels, but it can happen. Majulah mamak untuk negara. I miss beers with the BFF. I miss me doggies (now doggy), me mum and dad, me art scene, and a hundred little things. If anything would keep me here, it's the walking. What freedom, what luxury. Ok. I have to get back to video editing now, something about as exciting as Pak Lah's speeches. Then I can go out and play! Whee. x.

Betta!!

...Where's the pictures? Enough of your goddamned bellyaching. Post some cam-whoring already!

Okok... coming ok?