Resolutions

1. Say no.
(Someone told me the other day that I'll make less mistakes if I remember that there's usually only three answers to a request:

a. yes
b. no
c. I don't unnerstan

No to things I don't want to do. No to people I don't want to be with. No when enough is enough.)

2. Be happy.

3. Stop smoking.

4. Take the good, leave the bad.

28

*The evil people took away the internet for a few days, so this is a delayed post. Enjoy... especially the picture (it's not me, it's G.)*

I read somewhere that being subjected to too much light is bad for the mind and body. (In fact, it's a technique used in interrogation and torture) If you've been up many nights doing work with all the lights on, you'll know what I mean. Darkness is comfort and rest, a kind of surrender. For so many weeks (months!), I've felt as though every switch in my system has been hardwired to 'ON'. I even found some switches to turn on that I never knew existed! It's been hard and slow coming down, switching off, tuning out. I still get up restless at 7am. A mild, inexplicable sense of panic accompanies me everywhere like a stubborn little pet. I’ve fed and cultivated it slavishly and it will just not. Go. Away. Shoo!

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a gentle day, full of quiet transformations. Me and G. got massages to celebrate. There was an… ahem, incident involving a pair of disposable panties, as well as a farcical lunch, which we will not delve into too deeply here. As we lay there purring and comatose, I couldn’t help thinking we were something like dead logs being aromatherapically prodded back into the land of the living and breathing!

In the evening, even though it was drizzling, we went to Pantai Pasir Panjang, nearby in Balik Pulau. I think it’s one of Penang’s last beautiful beaches. You take a short windy road, following the signs to Kem Bina Negara and Pulau Betong. You pass by saltwater marsh on your right and then there it is at the end of the road – our little secret hideaway! The sun was setting. The water was warm. I was being cradled in the bowl of the world - I floated on my back in it, feeling faint raindrops on my face… and then like some methodical short circuit every switch in my body and mind started to go out. Flip flip flip flip. I looked up at the great sky, and I was weightless – no words, no memories. I was only something tossed by the gentle waves, belonging equally to sea and shore: they couldn’t decide who was going to have me!

The light was something magical and seemed to go on and on. The waves got a little stronger. One, two: ok, it was decided then: the shore it was. I stepped out clean and at peace, warmed by an indefinable sense of gratitude. Me and G. swigged vodka, lit up cigarettes and watched until the sun burnt itself out in the sky.

Later, I slept the deep, restful sleep of the blessed. It was a great day.

Yangon album

Silly Betta forgot to take an adapter, so the camera gave out after 2 days. Here are some shots I managed to take. You'll have to imagine the rest :)

M.S. (as we jingle past in a trishaw):'Traders Hotel: that's the tallest building in Yangon!'




On the second night, we attend an outdoor theatre/poetry/dance performance set on the grounds of a Hindu temple in a nearby township. I had some problems with the performance, but the setting was beautiful. The text hanging from the trees is the first character in the Myanmar alphabet: 'ka'.




I had my food prepared literally 2 ft in front of me! Too much fun. He's cooking the vegetables I chose. Wonder who's going to pick the pig's nose.




Beautiful Inya lake, perfect dating-spot.




M.D. (a poet, writer and my long-suffering translator), M.S. and Hong,O.B. in the evening light.

Group shot of Myanmar artists and silly old me. Everyone is serious, but I'm grinning like the goddamn Cheshire Cat.

Hong, O.B. in a trishaw. The funnest way to get around Yangon. I was like a kid in a park not wanting my ride to end.

Phones are hot commodities in Yangon. Not everyone has one, so people set up a makeshift 'phonebooth'! So enterprising!

Happy M.S. :)

Heartlands: Myanmar Part I

Evening over Yangon: as beautiful as any evening at home, but drawn out as long as it can go, like an extended breath.

I have the briefest moment of solitude before waves of social activity wash over me - the long-awaited, much-sweated-over exhibition opening of 'Pendatang/Arrivals' is tonight! Yesterday, after giving the wall labels a last twitch to correct some imagined imperfection, me and G. looked at each other and broke out into relieved smiles. It's been tough going for both of us. But I think we were meant to meet at this time. I'm certain that, if it had been any other person, stuck up here together for months upon months, I would have run screaming from the hills, leaving a trail of unfinished art/junk behind me.

I landed safely in Penang on Sunday, after 4 days in Yangon. I don't know how to start writing about my trip, other than to say I am a changed person. I was irrationally happy to see M.S. again - it was a 1000watt smile that lit up from within when I spotted him beyond the arrival gates, and then irrationally sad when I left. There were tears, dudes!! I was trying to understand it: a deep connection without romantic love, hell, without a common language even! G. said it's simply something karmic, and I think I'll agree.

The city was everything and nothing like I expected. Dusty streets speckled with betel juice like coughed-up blood. Beautiful, decrepit colonial buildings - stronger, longer-lasting any modern building; although covered with moss they were standing their ground, relentlessly just... enduring. And then shining gold pagodas everywhere, the most awesome of which is undoubtably the heart of the city - Shewdagon pagoda, at least 2500 years old, in existence since Buddha's time and in impeccable condition today. Every taxi or trishaw driver or local artist who took me past there would invariably call my attention to it: look, that's the Shewdagon pagoda. It seemed to me an embodiment of the people's spirit, and I felt almost fearful in the shadow of it's splendour, it's grandeur. Because it is set in the middle of a city devoid of Starbucks, McDonalds or shopping arcades, my eyes were rid of that cynical tint that so often accompanies the viewing of national monuments - it was not a pretty building for my tourist consumption, it was bigger than me...

Until the moment of my return, I think never realized just what a sad soul I have been all this year. Being with the other artists thought me a lot. There are many ways to be oppressed. The worst of all conditions, like Nazim Hikmet once wrote, is that of self-suppression. We enjoy relative freedom, but as my blogger friend says, we might well find that 7 out of 10 Malaysians is under mental seige! Warmth, friendship and sincerity offer the sort of liberation that is truly universal. We all need this. I understand now that when we say these things are more important than art, we do not mean that art is not important. Art is only the vehicle for it...

At the closing party, after I had done my performance 'How To Talk to Strangers', A.K. and his wife came to say goodbye. He took me in his arms and said 'take care of your health ok. I will miss you'. To my utter mortification, I burst into tears. He went on to say quietly: 'It's ok. Don't cry. I understand.' OMG, it makes me tear-up even now. What a emotional wreck I am, something like a jellyfish.

Today, the sun is shining outside. I feel clean. I feel like dark days are over and everything is going to be alright. Starting... now.

Artlands: Myanmar Part II

No art without booze. Beyond Pressure opening party at Mother Land Inn (the guesthouse where I was staying). My contribution was a bottle of duty free Black Label.

On Saturday (6 Dec), me and Hong O-Bong (a very funny performance artist from Korea) got to sit in on the dialog between Myanmar artists and the Board of Censorship. I couldn't understand what was being said of course, but I managed to register that the atmosphere was quite light - you'd imagine it to be kind of serious, but in fact there was alot of laughter! Uh-huh, believe it. o_0 Each artist stood up by turn and described what they were going to do. Apparently the officials were quite helpful: giving suggestions about how the artists could improve their performances!

At the end of the dialog, we got what we were hoping for: a certificate saying that Beyond Pressure Performance Festival was officially allowed to happen publicly. We crowded around that piece of paper, caressing it and whooping like monkeys! Only then did I realize what an important moment it was for everybody. For the first time, the artists managed to build a bridge with the authorities, and by extension, the general public. It meant that the artists could perform openly, without fear, and that the audience could attend openly, without worry. I can't even begin to imagine what this means for the future...

Everyone immediately went on an 'invitation spree', calling people to let them know that the performances were going ahead, and to come come come! By 3pm, more and more people started to fill the room, and when the first artist, Nyein Way, started his performance, I estimate there were about 40 - 50 people there. Moe later told me that not only had the number of audience exceeded their expectations, but also the diversity. It was not only artists who came, but also students and members of the general public.

As for the 9 Myanmar artists who performed... what can I say... each work was powerful, intellectual and deeply inspiring.

After that, we all went for dinner at a restaurant near Shewdagon Pagoda. There, me and Hong, O-Bong performed our pieces with great participation from all who were present. Even though foreign artists weren't allowed to perform publicly, I think most of the audience followed us to the restaurant venue... in the end, it was still a 'public' performance, heheh. This taught me a big lesson about how to adapt to situations, and to make it work for you.

It's been a great priviledge to meet, talk, perform, experience the city and drink copious ammounts of whiskey together. In my head I'm planning a big exhibition of Myanmar contemporary art in 2009 or 2010. Of course the art is important, but really, I just want to see everyone again...