Giving

Merdeka eve - thoughts are out of order. Working steadily, but unhappily.

I want so many things; want to say so many things - about how I feel about my home, my self and my place in it.

But another poet has already said it, in lines I swear have been living in me like a spontaneously grown organ, so that they come floating up from memory, wholly unbidden:

'A bruise, blue in the muscle
you impinge upon me.
As bone hugs the ache home
So I'm vexed to love you'

...and:

'Threshed to excellence
I'll achieve you'

...also:

'Stack in me the unaccountable fire
Lay on me the iron leaf
but tenderly
Folded one hundred times and creased
I'll not crack'

This Merdeka, I'll try to want less, and give more.

May peace and goodwill be upon you! To those working - you're not alone. To do those holidaying - enjoy yourself, bitches - you deserve it.

Tangent

Today more than ever I wanted to do a thing that I have been planning possibly for years... you know, that idea that recurs at the most surprising moments - on the toilet, during a tepid conversation (I do generally try to listen attentively to anything anyone is saying to me, but I am only human afterall), window shopping in a mall and wishing idly you were elsewhere - the galapagos, or making love, or doing art - and, ... well, this sentence is being hyphenated into infinity, isn't it?

Anyway the thing I wanted to do is to map mine and other people's birthmarks. I envision large swathes of expensive creamy paper, the size of a person, filled with little brown dots. Or maybe they would be small and I would provide a scale, just like a real map. They would probably be called intimate constellations.

Maybe I will get to do this on residency in Australia...

Right now I am attempting to do something stupid called painting - not because painting is stupid, but because I am not a painter, and at this eleventh hour, am consulting Watercolors for Absolute Beginners (yes, it's true).

Argh. I have rarely been so frustrated.

Silly Betta.

Happy 50 Merdeka Malaysia!

NOTE: These images were from an email forward. The author seems to be blogger Nak Tak. There you can find the complete suite of Nak Tak posters, together with an exhortation to register as a voter (yes!) and to not vote for Barisan Nasional (who you vote is up to you).

Tonight

...is close to unbearable. Merely exhaustion. The calling up of old ghosts to feed the working fire.

"...And your otherness is perfect as my death.
Your otherness exhausts me,
like looking suddenly up from here
to impossible stars fading..."

Morning

Some switch in my internal clock has me up at 5am these days. It must be the anxiety. I don't mind, dawn and twilight - being transitions - are my favorite parts of the day. Standing outside in the silence, I can see Orion creep out just above the roofs of other houses; the other stars I don't know twinkle in the distance. I feel a deep and simple happiness that has nothing whatsoever to do with art, with worries about the future or the past, or Merdeka, or trials of the heart. I suppose it might be called a sort of heathen grace. Whatever it is, it imparts humility, a sense of perspective and calm - surely as good a start to the day as anything.

Versions

Hmm. Certainly prefer Gina Fairley's review of Selamat Datang ke Malaysia on Universes in Universe to the 'same-same but different' version that's been posted on Kakiseni. This one is much longer, and by turns apologetic and sharply pointed - inconsistent, IMHO. There was also a sobriety and professional distance in the Universes version that's sorely missing in this one, which is a bit self-pontificating:

'The only faux pas (and a pedantic one on my behalf) was using the derogatory term “cultural expo” to describe this contemporary survey. It was a serious, extremely professional presentation, right down to VWFA’s folders of support material on each artist. It had little to do with trade-show kitsch. Quiet the contrary; I am excited by this show as a collection of individual artists rather than an exposé of Malaysia Boleh. Maybe viewing it outside Malaysia allows one to engage with the work rather than the rhetoric?'

Why the difference in voice for different audiences/readers? (I.e. Universes = international audience, Kakiseni = Malaysian audience) They are not different essays - they are versions of each other as the new one has whole paragraphs lifted verbatim from the other. I confess to be puzzled and detect hints of a certain self-importance in the new version. It is also quite unbalanced, concentrating too much and too long on only a few works ('Pole Positions', Vincent's 'Run Malaysia Run' and Ise's lightboxes) without mentioning others - which she did in her other essay.

Maybe it's just me, but I smell a implicit wish to be slightly controversial and create 'comment' in the local scene for its own sake, something I personally don't appreciate.

The Great Merdeka Bake-off

BAKE-OFF #1
Selamat Datang ke Malaysia,
23 Aug - 15 Sept 2007, Valentine Willie Fine Art
OPENING: THIS WEDNESDAY, 22 AUG, 8PM - come for drinks and celebration!


-----


BAKE-OFF#2
50 Ways to Live in Malaysia
21 Aug - 30 Sept, Galeri Petronas
GRAND OPENING: MONDAY, 27 AUG, 5 - 7pm



This group exhibition of 50 Malaysian artists addressing the theme of 50 years of living in Malaysia gathers artworks made since 1957 by artists ranging from the pioneering modernists of the 60s to the emerging artists of today, with an emphasis on the works for their own sake and how they relate to the central theme. The exhibition paints a picture of modern Malaysia, inspired by sub-themes like the land, nature, society, communities, religion, politics, gender, architecture, leisure, food and historical events, both local and global, which have contributed to the way we think and feel as Malaysians.

Betta's exhortation: Since I have yet to learn how distasteful it is to blow one's own trumpet - you must go and see this! They requested a previous installation of mine ('Rise, rise, rise') to be in it, and I was quite unhappy at having to remake what I felt to be old (and stale) work - but after I finished installing, and then to see it in this well-curated exhibition, in that beautiful circular gallery, accompanied by works of far greater stature and quality - I am strangely moved, immensely humbled. It is a sentimental reaction to an admittedly rather sentimental show, and maybe that's why it feels special. For the longest time now, I haven't had that feeling that Malaysian art is important or meaningful in a big way - and walking around this exhibition gave me that oddly familiar tingle that I have been missing for so long. Remember to have a look and post me your comments! (Note that Galeri Petronas is closed on Mondays, chickies!) I'll put some images up when I get the chance.
------


BAKE-OFF #3
Merdeka 50 - A Celebration of Malaysian Art
2 August 2007 - 16 September 2007
Islamic Arts Museum Malaysia (IAMM)



Perdana Leadership Foundation and Islamic Arts Museum Malaysia are proud to present "Merdeka 50 - A Celebration of Malaysian Art" - a spectacular assembly of sixty-seven Malaysian artists in commemoration of Malaysia's fiftieth year of Independence. Through their works of art in various media, these artists offer us their unique interpretation of "Merdeka" and their perspective of Malaysia's journey and progress as an independent nation.

Haven't seen this, but has a 'blockbuster' feel to it. Zedeck Siew writes his thoughts on the show (he seems somewhat underwhelmed, but tries to be generous) at Kakiseni.com. I will go, especially as I have a soft spot for the Islamic Arts Museum building.
------


BAKE OFF#4
Bebas Lah - Malaysia @ 50
23 Aug - 9 Sept, The Annexe @ Central Market

'Lim Kit Siang', by Hishamuddin Rais
Image from kakiseni.com

Take a humourous look at our very earnest country, as four artists bebas (free) our minds by reimagining our favourite politicians, tourist attractions and social mores.

Curated by Valentine Willie, featuring the work of Liew Kung Yu, Eiffel Chong, Saiful Razman and Hishammudin Rais(!) Waitaminute - art can be funny? I will go, to see if they have got 'funny' right, instead of confusing 'humour' with 'cynical and nihilistic sense of irony'.
-----


BAKE-OFF#5
Ivan Lam: After all these years...
16 Aug - 12 Sept, Wei-Ling Gallery

I'll be the first to say Ivan Lam is personally one of my least favorite Malaysian painters, coming close behind Gan Siong King (I will note here that this is far from a critical assessment. This being my personal blog, I make strong distinctions between my personal tastes and more measured judgment based on art theory, art history and forcing my noodle-brain to actually do critical work, etc); and seeing an image of one the paintings in his latest show that is a sad appropriation of Damien Hirst's dot paintings fairly made me pant with apathy. But I have seen images of other the paintings and in spite of myself I am really intrigued, especially by this one:

'Heaven (Heaven Can't Wait)', 2007
Acrylic on canvas, 48" x 120"
Image from www.weiling-gallery.com

Like Ahmad Fuad Osman's work (also not in my personal tastes), the quality, freshness, and willingness to take a risk can't be denied. By the way, all the paintings are done with Nissan house paints. I will be going to see it, but really, was this sycophantic nonsense necessary when the Kakiseni.com editor put this show on the week's recommended list?: 'RECOMMENDED! Some paint Ivan Lam as an arrogant genius. Ivan Lam paints genius onto canvas. Isn't that what the art world lives for?' *Betta gags*

Also kudos to Wei-Ling Gallery for flying in the face of convention and not succumbing to Merdeka Madness.
-----

So much art. Feel glad my own show will miss this frenzy. But perhaps by then people will be too tired for anymore soul-searching and critical thinking. I will have to make fun the order of the day. (That's fine by me....)

One last thing, as far removed from Merdeka fever as a quiet cup of tea, so it is not considered a BAKE-OFF: Newty has finished her commissioned painting at last! It's quite gorgeous. Have at look at her latest post.

Betta ober n' out. It's headless chicken time, people....

Howl

Feeling some sort of down tonight - tiredness or restlessness might describe it, but not fully.

In my profile I write that everything I want my life to be is encapsulated in Miyazaki's films. I know Howl's Moving Castle didn't go down well with everyone (as opposed to the universally adored Spirited Away), but it's one of those things that (giving free rein to the extremity of self-indulgence) you feel has been made especially for you; that the person who made it was thinking of someone like you, or perhaps feeling a little like you, at the time. And that's an encouraging thought, especially if that person is someone like Hayao Miyazaki.

I've been listening to the soundtrack whilst working.

There is a home that is a ship, and it goes wherever you want it to. There's a young person who gets turned into an old lady, and you start to love that old lady so much you don't want her to change back! Which makes you realize you care far too much about appearances, and that people who love and respect you don't care about that at all. Oh, and there's a really cute, lanky magician. I named a pet fish after him, but sadly it did not live to see better days.

Somehow, there must be a way to make my inner world into the outer world that surrounds.

Am behind schedule, but you know.... whatever. Sometimes sleep is the best thing. I wish you an untroubled mind, sweet dreams of home and the morning of a better day.

My dream home, outer view...


...And inner view. (This pic is for Newty)

Watcha waitin for? Do it now!

Register as voter in following simple steps:

1. Go to any computerized post office (that's pretty much every one in KL)
2. Say 'Kak/Encik, nak berdaftar sebagai pemilih'
3. See mild surprise and a slow smile spread on face of person manning post office counter
4. Fill out a pink form, produce your I.C. for verification
5. Voila! You're done. Prepare to partake in democratic process.

Total time= 10 - 45 mins, depending on which post office, and what time you go.

Mega projects are being announced, so elections gotta be just around the corner....

Review of Selamat Datang ke Malaysia

Gina Fairley has written a review of Selamat Datang ke Malaysia (Welcome To Malaysia) for Universes in Universes. She says some thoughtful and generous things about the show and my work. I'm so pleased and am filled with a silly sort of happiness. As I wasn't sure what the response to this particular work would be, it is a relief to have a positive response.

Please read the review here.

Don't miss this show when it opens at Valentine Willie Fine Art on 22 August! It is the perfect opportunity to decide for yourselves if local contemporary artists really do translate the things that are important to us now in Malaysia, or if they remain inscrutable. Also I'm going to leak out that there is a really fun and beautiful catalogue accompanying the exhibition - it includes postcards of each work! If you're lucky and come early, you could bag one! ^_-

The museum of belongings

In the last few desperate weeks before exhibition opening, I always make a 'Schedule of Doom'. I did one over the weekend and it is hanging on my wall above my bed, next to the Sandman poster where Morpheus is looking particularly gaunt and gorgeous. I marked the deadlines with little skulls and crossbones, but then to lighten the atmosphere decided to decorate the whole thing with PUCCA (a too-cute japanese character) stickers. Yip, it's quite a schizophrenic document.

To take the edge off work, I have decided to post here 5 of my favorite belongings. This is a purely gratuitous exercise - I thought about it in the shower, whilst musing on the tragic fate and nature of Gollum (as one is wont to do). If things had lives, I'd be their home. Although I try to tread lightly, I always end up quite attached to things with no other merit other than the strange pleasure they give when I touch or look at them. I also thought I'd like to do a giant website where people all over the world choose 5 of their belongings and post them up. It'd be a great museum.

1. My coromandels de chanel compact. This was a gift from mum. It is really precious - inspired by Coco Chanel's love of chinoiserie screens. When it was new, it was embossed with a gorgeous chinoise design on the surface of the charcoal, gold and red compact powder. Now of course the design is slightly faded. It is all I need to go from tomboy to beautiful - charcoal and gold on the eyes, red and gold on the cheeks. (I've also tried the red on the eyes, it works very well with a light touch - very sophisticated) I know it is far from obvious, but my fashion DNA is at least 35% Chanel. I love this.


2. My model ships. These rest one after the other on my bed stand. Before I go to sleep I feel that they are taking me away on a dream voyage to the Galapagos. The biggest was a gift from Newty.


3. These two photographs were also from Newty. They hang just above my bed. When they were sent to me I was thrilled beyond anything, and I'm sorry this image of them here doesn't do them justice. The one on the right actually has yachts sailing - they show up as impossibly fresh, tiny white triangles on the surface of that achingly blue sea. As I told Newty these two photographs symbolize everything I want my life to be.


4. My collection of rubber bouncy balls. I have been obsessed with them since a student in the year one. Every time I see a bouncy ball machine I go nuts. Contrary to popular belief they are quite expensive! I have one with a detailed arctic setting, complete with penguin, that cost RM7! That's possibly my favorite. Although strong contenders are one with a glow-in-the-dark ghost, one with a glow-in-the-dark star suspended in it and one with a duck. (These three all have a secret history). I have been trying for years to incorporate this obsession into an elaborate artwork, but so far nothing has worked out. Give it time.


5. Last is this collection of glass bottles with teeth painted on them. This is the first 'artwork' I showed when I first came back to KL. I had a complete set of 'teeth' on display - I think I sold about 7 or 8, at RM35 each. I later incorporated a few into 'City Scurvy', part of the Killing Jar series. The leftover bottles are now on a ledge in my bathroom, and you can see my makeup brushes amongst them here:


There, now you have a glimpse into my 'precious-es'. So don't wait, what are YOUR favorite belongings? (Try it, it's very theraputic)

Yikes, I gotta get this ass back to work!