The randy-est song you'll ever hear in your life

This is on repeat in my car. It always puts a smile on my face. It's magnificently horrible. 'Good Ship Venus' by Loudon Wainwright on some compilation of pirate music. I think people hitching a ride do tend to suffer, but I like it. (the music, not the suffering)


On the good ship Venus
By Christ you shoulda seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man's penis

The captains name was Lugger
By Christ he was a bugger
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one ship to another

The second mate was Andy
By Christ he had a dandy
Til they crushed his cock on a jagged rock
For cumming in the Brandy

The third mates name was Morgan
By God he was a gorgon
From half past eight
He played til 8 upon the captains organ

Captains wife was Mabel
And by God was she able
To give the crew their daily screw
Upon the galley table

The captains daughter Charlotte
was born and bred a harlot
her thighs at night were lilly white
by morning they were scarlet

The cabin boy was Kipper
By Christ he was a nipper
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

The captains lovely daughter
liked swimming in the water
delighted squeals came when some eels
found her sexual corners

The cook his name was Freeman
and he was a dirty demon
And he fed the crew on menstrual stew
And hymans fried in semen

The ships dog was called Rover
and we turned that poor thing over
and ground and ground that faithfil hound
from Tenneriefe to Dover

When we reached our station
through careful navigation
The ship got sunk
in a wave of spunk from to much fornication

On the good ship Venus
by Christ you should have seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
sucking a dead man's penis.